May she rest in peace

In this ever changing world of life as we know it, one has to wonder exactly how much pain a heart can with stand.
I have always been told that God would never put more on your shoulders than one can carry but I have days that I think he might have me mixed up with someone just a little stronger than me. I try to keep a positive outlook on life for the most part, and some days it works pretty good. My friends for example. I have the most wonderful friends a person could ask for. They would all do anything in there power to help me any time I ask or any time they thought I needed help. I know this is one of my many blessings from God.
This week has been one of those very trying weeks for me. Work is becoming very hectic for me in the eve of modulars and inventory. I have two weeks vacation that I have to burn before may 9th and I’m rapidly running out of time to get it in. Monday and Tuesday was pretty typical for me at work but when I came home Tuesday night I got thrown for a little of a loop. Me and my dear friend “tumbling dice” have not been doing the best in the world, which is basically typical. A person can only be pushed back so far before she falls off the edge. One more time I was grasping on with the tips of my figures and he comes along and I feel like I am needed, weather I was or not, I had that feeling. So I climbed back up to my feet and in his grip he holds me once more. I’m not sure how a person can have such power over another. If anyone had ever told me that I could be done like that I would have laughed in there face. I have always viewed myself as somewhat of a strong person and have been pretty good at holding my ground, but when it comes to a matter of the heart, well I guess I fail all the way around. If my heart ever becomes as strong as my mind then I will be able to conquer all. So with all that said, wed morning I loaded up and went to Ada instead of work…lol…ironic huh. One of those vacation days I needed to burn. We had planned on going to the city and looking at some bikes, he has decided it is time to buy a Harley. Well it started snowing on me a bit that morning on the way up and by the time I got to Ada, he was hearing reports that the city was starting to get a little slick in some spots so he decided not to go up. He has a friend there in town that has been wanting him to come look at his bike. So we get a hold of him and went out and take a look at it. It’s a really nice bike. A 2004 I believe with just a little over 7k miles on it. A beautiful black fat boy that has been totally chromed out. Seems like a hell of a deal. I think he has decided to get it, but wants to look at it one more time and make sure he didn’t over look anything. Well we had a good day, didn’t do anything to amount to anything, but the time spent was nice. I have a hell of a time with my sinuses and once again my head is stopping up so I have been taking some meds and wed evening I was having a lot of trouble staying awake for any length of time. Was a little scared to make the two hr trip back home that night but knew I had to be at work at 7am. Well I figured it would be easier for me to get up early and head out as it would be to fight falling asleep that night to get home, and well what can I say, I did want to sleep in his nice comfy bed..lol. But I wasn’t able to sleep for some reason, seems like I saw every hour on the hour and then some half hrs on the clock, not sure if it was the meds or me being scared I would oversleep. But anyway I made it up and back to Hugo by 7 am Thursday morning. Work really sucked Thursday, I felt like total crap. The work day finally came to an end and going home was all I could think about. Well I get to my turn and I glance down towards my grandparents house and I see an ambulance. My first thought was, well one of them has fallen or my uncle has hurt himself or something like that. I start to not even go down and think, well I better go see just incase its something major. Well I get there and the emt’s are coming out of the house with the stretcher and its empty so I think everything is ok…
Well I get in and see granddaddy and my uncle setting in the living room and my aunt is on the phone…then I see grandma in the floor and she is covered up, my aunt grabs hold of me and tells me that grandma has died….ok let me tell you this is not something that a person is ever ready for… I know it is part of life and it is going to happen to us all sooner or later, but we all prefer the latter as to the sooner. I was told that she had got a cup of coffee and was going out on the back porch to smoke. She has smoked forever but never wanted anyone to know about it. We all knew but it was never spoken of. But anyway aunt Barbara said that granddaddy thought she had passed out so he pulled her in the house and called her, well when she and the ambulance got there grandma had already passed. We live about 15 miles out of town so it took a few minutes for anyone to get here. This should not be a sad occasion for she is now in a better place. It is us being selfish as we mourn her passing. She was a wonderful lady and a very very intelligent person. I am very proud to know that she was my grandma. She endured pure hell at times but always stuck by her family. Mom was telling me that her and granddaddy got married when they was 15, she was just a few months older than him. This is what people in today’s world are lacking. The will to stand beside your mate through thick and thin and make it work. No one ever promised us that life would be easy, but when you love someone, you have to stand with them through the good and the bad.
I remember being a kid, I wanted to be one of those grandmas that was married for like 70 yrs. I think that is so awesome. Well here I am at a ripe age of 33 and well you know my situation. Being married is really the last thing on my mind right now, so me being married to the same man for 70 yrs is pretty much out the window for me…lol… maybe one day I will settle in somewhere and God willing have grandchildren of my own ( a long ways down the road) and I only pray that I am looked upon as I always looked upon my grandma….may you rest in peace, you will be missed greatly, and please give daddy a hug for me…


“I am with you always”
Matthew 28:20


And to my “tumbling dice”, a true love with no doubt, even when I try to tune it out.

To Care About Someone
© by AngelWinks

To care about someone
Is to feel them in your heart
To think about them endlessly
And pray you'll never part.

You care about their happiness
More than they could know
You wish them joy mixed in with love
And let your feelings show.

To care about someone
Is to give your heart away
To trust them with your innermost thoughts
And believe they're with you come what may.

When you dare to care that way
And give them your heart so true
You feel a special connection
And there's nothing you wouldn't do.

I honestly care about you
It's time that you should know
You mean the world and more to me
And these feelings continue to grow.

Please don't be afraid to care for me
My heart is reaching out to you
It's sweet and true and I pray you know
It's Always and Forever Meant Only For You!


May God bless you all

Gem ;)