Where do I go from here

Well it has been a very long time since I actually wrote that I honestly don’t know where to start. To catch everyone up on what has happened would basically take a book it seems and I don’t think I’m up for that. Sorry but its nothing that wonderful, just basic life I guess. One thing I can say is that a book in my life has closed. The one that I loved so deeply and for so long is no more. There are very very few things in life that I can say I honestly regret, but I can say I do believe he is one of them. It was long in coming but destined from the start. I can say that I did learn a great deal and discovered who I was along the way. Such things I do not regret. Allowing my self to love so true and so deep however I do. They say what don’t kill you will make you stronger. I’m really not sure what has come of this to make me a better or stronger person. It has brought me in touch with a me that I didn’t realize existed, not sure how good that is, it is just simply the reality of things. Things are not all bad however. Amongst the midst of it all a man seemed to wonder into my life just out of the clear blue. Once again a person that I should not take a glance at, but a man that has managed to captivate my imagination. I didn’t think I would ever find anyone that could touch my mind like tumbling dice did but low and behold dirtydan slapped me in the face with something I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced. a lot of people drift in and out of our life. Some leave more of an impression than others. What causes us to be intrigued by certain people is something I have yet to learn. But with great things seems to always come bad. I know he is not a person that will ever be in my life no matter how much a part of it he has become. I embrace his existence and savor every moment given to me. My dear friend is a very lost soul at this time and I would do anything to show him the way. I’m not sure he actually realizes what affects he has on my being. He brings to the surface things that a very select few have in the past. I knew and even told him the first day we spoke that he was very dangerous to me and that I knew it would be best for us all for me to turn and walk away. But anyone that knows me at all realizes that seems to be something I have a very hard time with. So now here we are, have formed a bond that scares the shit out of us both and I feel like we are both in the same boat. We know we should turn the other cheek and calk it up to a loss, but we have not came to that bridge yet. I still set so often and listen to music that touches my soul, that I can relate to. Lately it as been a drastically different style of music than I normally listen to. In the wee hrs of the morning, when I actually started this blog one particular song seemed to stand out. In the search for why I cant just walk away from DD I was able to relate to this song in so many ways.




Artist:
Three Days Grace
Album:
One-X
Title:
Pain

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
You're sick of feeling down
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand
Pain, without love
Paint, I can't get enough
Pain, I like rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me I've got a plan
When the lights go off you will understand
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing
Rather feel pain
I know (I know I know I know I know)That you're wounded
You know (You know you know you know you know)That I'm here to save you
You know (You know you know you know you know)I'm always here for you
I know (I know I know I know I know)That you'll thank me later
Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain


Is what keeps me here simply the fact that its better to hurt and feel the pain than to feel numb and nothing at all?

Some very deep lyrics, take from them what you may.

Best of wishes and happiest of dreams…until we meet again

Gem ;)