In the cold of the night

Well Wednesday has finally came and is about gone. Has been another very busy day for me at work, but I guess that is not always so bad. Oh and I was very excited this morning when I weighed, I don’t guess I actually gained the three pounds that I thought I had. I had a friend tell me yesterday that the weight was probably just where I had retained water from my surgery and I guess maybe she was right, this morning I was back to where my lowest has been so I wasn’t freaking out like I did Monday…lol.. Today me and my friend went walking, we only made it two miles then she kind of pussed out on me, but that’s better than nothing I guess.
Last night me and my friends got together and went to eat. We had a really good time, its not often we get together outside of work, so it was a treat for us all.
Well I had looked forward to tonight all day. I’ve not had much of a chance to talk with “tumbling dice” this week so I thought we was going to get to catch up some. Guess that is what I get for thinking. Tonight we was so far apart it puts a chill in bones. These are the moments when its reality that I’m alone.


Cold chill
By Gem


Out in the cold is where I feel
As your words sweep across me with a chill

Where did I go wrong
Why cant I be strong
Tonight I feel like I don’t belong

Can you hear my plea
In your arms I long to be
But it seems you do not agree

My heart holds you near
As my soul sheds a tear
This love will persevere

But tonight I’m left in the cold
Feeling everything but bold.


Thought of the day:

It’s always important to remember
The wind from one door closing
Opens another one


May God bless you all

Gem ;)

Hi ho hi ho, its off to work I go!!!!

Good morning everyone, I hope your holiday went well, mine went a little to well…..I weighed this morning and ended up gaining 3 lbs over the last two weeks, not good tracking at all. It has been a week since my surgery and I’m back to work this morning. It will be good to get back into my routine and back eating right. Me and my friend Debbie are going to start walking again today, we have been slacking on that for about the last month. I have gained to much ground on my weight loss to fiddle around and gain some back so got to get my head back into it and get the last 45lbs off so I can be at my goal. Look out folks, this summer you wont recognize me..lol.. I am kind of excited about going back to work today, the week off was good I guess but I always feel guilty when I take off work. I know that the job don’t stop cause I’m not there and someone else has to take up my slack.
I feel really good today, I had a really great weekend considering I didn’t get to go see my “tumbling dice”. me and my son went down to beavers ben, anyone that knows this area can appreciate the beauty that is in this part of the world. The weather was wonderful and we just piddle farted around and enjoyed the day. Sunday he got up early and went hunting with my uncle but was unable to find anything to shoot, bless his poor little heart..lol… but when he came in I made him go wash all the lovely deer piss and all his other cover scents off so that I could stand for him to be in the house. We loaded up and went down to the lake so he could shoot his bow at the archery range, and momma had to get in on the action just a little also. Unfortunately he managed to show his ol mom up…lol…I really suck shooting a bow. This is something that I’m going to have to practice just a little on, cant have him out doing me on something like that. Well yesterday while he was in the great wilderness hunting the elusive white tail I stayed home and was lucky enough to partake in some wonderful conversation with my best friend in the whole world. My mind he has been able to touch since the first time we talked, some days I’m just not really sure what I would do without him around. Thank you for always being there for me no matter what ups and downs seem to come through our life, you mean so very much to me, I just hope I mean half as much to you.
Well guess I should get around and get my day on a roll.
Hope everyone has a wonderful day
God bless you all and keep you safe.

Thought of the day:

As we practice
The work of forgiveness
We discover more and more
That forgiveness and healing
Are one.
-Agnes Sanford


I love you Sir

Gem ;)

Little picture and a cross word

Well I hope everyone had a wonderful thanksgiving. Mine went pretty well. My uncle came by on his bike and told me to get dressed that I was going with him. Well I wasn’t going to turn down a ride on his bike and knew he wasn’t going to be gone to long so I figured what the hell. We made it into town and his clutch cable broke. So we happened to be on a little hill and he managed to get the bike started again and he was like, ok girl there is no stopping now..lol.. Well we made it to the church where everyone had gathered for dinner. This is my dads side of the family but it seemed like I didn’t know anyone there. Lots of new additions in the family that I had never met, needless to say I’m not close to that side of the family anymore. Well I was as guilty as the next for eating way to much for dinner, but it was sure good.

Today has been a lazy day for me, but most of the week has been as far as that goes. I did manage to build another fire on my stump I’m trying to burn out and cleaned the porch and got it swept off, so the day wasn’t totally unproductive. I was in a very “good” mood and got to talk with “tumbling dice” earlier today. But with my good moods also come a bit of well how do I put it, I can get aggravated quite easily as well. He says I pout and maybe I do, just part of me and my personality I guess. I tried to explain to him that if he would just give me what I want then I wouldn’t pout, seems pretty simple to me..lol.. He didn’t buy into it though.
None the less, I still love him dearly and hope he don’t get to irritated with me. Some days I could beat him, but know that tomorrow I will want to kiss it and make it better.


I was going through my email tonight and ran across some really interesting things. I’m going to share a picture that I got and thought it was so adorable and wanted to show you guys. This is actually a picture that caused a few cross words tonight..lol.. Well I hope everyone enjoys my little picture, I guess I will wrap it up for the evening.

Thought of the day:

May your day be
Bright….and all that
Is good shine upon you.

May God bless you all

Love ya Sir!


Gem ;)

Deer and turkey day

Well its wed morning and I’m setting here totally bored out of my mind. Yesterday
morning when I got up, I was expecting to maybe be hurting just a little after my surgery, but to my welcome surprise I was still in no pain. So I got up and around and ended up running around town most of the day. Had to hit all the pawn shops of course but didn’t come across anything that I just couldn’t live without. I made my way back to my moms house later that evening and decided that it was about time for me to go home. I love my mom to death but I can only stay over there for so long. I had been there since Sunday afternoon and I knew it was time for me to move along. Finally made it home about 7:30 last night I guess and my ass was sure dragging, I might have over done it just a tad, but I was so glad to be home. Today has been very quiet around here. My boy is off somewhere with my uncle hunting so momma is home alone. Not always a bad thing, but just kind of lonesome today. So thought I would come on and write a line or two for my two regular visitors..lol.. That never seem to leave any comments so I don’t have a clue who it is that has any interest at all in what I have to say. I just cant imagine anyone wanting to come read what comes from my feeble brain at times, but anyway glad someone is intrigued by my post.


I thought I would post a picture of my son and his doe he got Saturday morning. It was so funny, I have to tell my little story right fast. I was on my way to see “tumbling dice” Saturday morning and my boy calls and is ecstatic. He is like, mom guess what, I killed a doe and a buck. Of course he has been known to pull my leg a time or two in the past and knew how far out of pocket I was so figured that’s what was going on here. So mom didn’t believe him at first and he finally convinced me that he really did. He told me that he shot the doe first and then this buck came up on her. Said he was a 12 pt, which this part of the story I have no backing. He don’t make a habit of lying so hard to not believe him. Well he shot at the buck but must have just grazed his belly. He and his daddy could only find a bunch of white hair, no blood, so it appeared he shot under him just a little low. None the less he did get his doe, she dressed at 89 lbs so not a bad deal at all, anyway just like last year mom is very proud of her little man so I had to post his picture. it’s a shame he is looking so excited in it..lol…but that is just how he is, he don’t get real excited about anything. He is a very laid back kid. Can be full of shit from time to time and has a bit of a sarcastic bone in his body, but I have to admit he does come by it honestly. Well I’m going to wrap this up for now. I hope everyone has a safe and wonderful thanksgiving. Always appreciate your loved ones and don’t take for granted that they are with you during the holiday season. My family has not really celebrated the holidays since the loss of my dad 8 yrs ago. Its not that big of a deal I don’t guess, but it does bring on some lonesome feelings when you see other families getting together and visiting. My son will have a good thanksgiving so that’s all that matters. His dads side of the family is all very close and he will spend the day with them so its all good. Well God bless you all and eat a piece of pie for me tomorrow.

I send all my love out to “tumbling dice” it may not be necessary but it is desired; never forget that, I do love you.

Evolve [i-volv]
1. to develop gradually
3. to come forth gradually into being; develop; undergo evolution
4. Biology. to develop by a process of evolution to a different adaptive state or condition:
Be patient


Thought of the day:

Even though we’re far apart….
You’re always in my heart.


Gem ;)

Surgery and a Poem

Good afternoon, I was at the hospital at 6:30 this morning and they got to me pretty quickly. I was on the bed naked by 7 lol and just to think at how hard some folks have worked to try and accomplish that lol… anyway they got my IV started and the next thing I knew I was waking up and it was all over. They let me come on around and I got dressed and was back to the house between 9:30 and 10 this morning. Everything is going just great, I’m a little tender but far from being in pain, not to say it wont slap me in the face at midnight tonight, but I really don’t think it will. So I’m here at moms bored out of my mind and thought I would check my email. Well a good friend sent me a poem that really touched my soul when I read it. I generally never send out a fwd from anyone but I have to admit I did send this one to everyone in my address book and I also wanted to go ahead and post it in my blog. So anyway I do hope you take the time to read it (it is a little lengthy) and take a moment out of your busy day to say a little prayer for the young men and women that fight for yours and my freedom each and every minute of the day. We can tuck our children in bed at night and watch our loved ones rest in peace because of our American service men and women. Please give them the honor they deserve and pray they may come home to their families safe and sound when the time comes, it is the least we can do for what they do for us.


A Different Christmas Poem

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.

Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.

My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know, Then the
Sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.

My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.

A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts...
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "It's really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night."

"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.

My Gramps died at ' Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christma s 'Gr am always remembers."
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ' Nam ',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.

I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures; he's sure got her smile.
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... An American flag.

I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.

I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother...
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."
"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."

"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for al l that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long,

For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

PLEASE, would you do me the kind favor of sending this to as many people as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is due to our U.S service men and women for our being able to celebrate these festivities. Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we owe. Make people stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed themselves for us.

LCDR Jeff Giles, SC, USN
30th Naval Construction Regiment
OIC, Logistics Cell One
Al Taqqadum, Iraq


Please feel free to cut and paste and share this poem with as many people as you feel the desire to.

May God bless you all


Sending all my love to “tumbling dice”

Gem ;)

Thank You!

Well it is almost bed time on Sunday night. The end of what was a wonderful weekend. I was fortunate enough to spend Saturday and Saturday night with Mr. “tumbling dice” himself. Its always a pleasure for me to share time with him no matter how much or how little we do. If the man is not good for anything else he can damn sure cook. He made some of his famous “skettie” for me finally after asking him to for the last 2 yrs..lol.. And let me tell you guys it was well worth the wait. Everything has been well worth the wait, just wish I would have not had to wait for so long. Its all good and everything happens for a reason. I take advantage of every ounce he allows me and appreciate it beyond what I think anyone realizes including him. So anyway if you ever pass by and take a gander at what I come on and rattle about from time to time, I want to thank you for everything. I’m not sure you realize what you mean to me and how special I think you and your baby girl are, I only hope one day you will see it pouring from my soul.

Well tomorrow is going to be an interesting day for me. I have to be at the hospital at 6:30 in the morning. I am finally going to get my tubes tied or as my 12 yr old says, get spayed ….lol.. Can you tell he was raised around dogs? Well none the less, he will be the only off spring I will ever have biologically and this is not a bad thing for me. He is growing up so fast but it is so wonderful to see. It just amazes me sometimes when I look at him, seems like yesterday he was still a baby. He was a wonderful baby once we got him on some good milk, but I’m just not the kind of person that wants a house full of kids or a baby around all the time. I don’t feel like this makes me a bad mother or a less nurturing mother, maybe just a more realistic one. I am very well aware of the fact that I am not capable of raising another child financially. I also know that I’m not just real fond of how this world seems to be turning and the direction a lot of things go in. I just don’t think the world needs me to bring another human being into it to go though the shit that so many live in daily. I feel like I am very fortunate to live how I do. I can feed my boy and we don’t go without anything we need. We are far from being well off, I’m just a poor white girl that bust her ass daily to make ends meet, but I’m proud to say that I don’t require assistance from the federal government to live day to day. So many people get caught up in the drugs which leads to crime which will inevitably lead to jail. So many babies are born in that cycle and they don’t know anything but that life. What a sad existence that must be. There are the few that seems to fall through the cracks of the cycle and can get out of it. I don’t down or judge anyone that has had trouble in the past, if anything it makes them more of a person than the ones like me that has always had life basically very simple and easy. Anyone that can bring themselves out of that and prosper deserves nothing but praise. Well I guess I will wrap this up for the night. I hope everyone has a wonderful week…

Thought of the day:

When we search
For answers, angels
Help us tap into
Our souls.

Sir, I love you.


God bless you all

Gem ;)

"The more I know the less I understand"

Well its about time to wrap up another fun filled day. What a lovely day it has been. The holidays will be keeping me very busy at work for the next month and a half or so. So everyone pray that I keep my sanity and don’t do anything to irrational..lol…and then I came home from work…what would a typical day in the life of Monica be if I didn’t have some sort of drama with the “tumbling dice” himself. As always very enlightening but with the accomplishment of keeping me totally in the dark. When I think of him, song lyrics always seem to come to mind. It just depends on how irritated I happen to be with him at that moment and time..lol.. Tonight these words seem to come to mind, “ the more I know the less I understand”. this I am here to tell you all now is his goal in life..the more he can confuse me the happier he is..lol, that is the only explanation I have for this man. God bless his soul, I can’t help but love him. I probably should be asking for blessings myself, may God give me the strength and patience to deal with him. We all have choices in our life and the path we take is ours to decide. This just so happens to be mine. We don’t always take the right road, but with Gods forgiving heart and our faith in the Lord above, things will work out in the end. The roads we choose is what makes us the people we are, it is up to us to make the best of what life throws our direction. So no matter how rough it gets, how steep the hills may become, take a deep breath and keep trudging right along. So with that little soup for thought I think I will call it a night and go rest my weary eyes.

Thought of the day:

A hug delights and warms
And charms….that must be
Why God gave us arms.



May God bless you all and keep you safe

Gem ;)

That cannot be

Well the weekend has come and went one more time and once again pretty uneventful. Lots of wasted hours and to much time for thought. Not much tonight to say just wanted to drop a line and share a poem. Needless to say I didn’t write it, but that doesn’t mean that its message is any less dynamic.


00' Dreaming of Love
by midnightj ©

In the still of night
I am at peace.
Alone though with
My love that cannot be.
Only but for moments
Though not enough in time
With my love.
I spend the nights alone
Dreaming of the love
That cannot be.
Not because the love
Does not love me.

As the moments pass
My love fades
Bidding me A good night.
Alone in my solitude
Dreaming of the love
That cannot be.
Wishing for the love
That cannot be held
By moon light.
My tears not to be seen
Falling silently for the love
I'll never hold at night
Because it cannot be.




I miss you dearly!

God bless

Gem ;)


aw a post thought


I Want You
Marvin Gaye

(Ad lib)

I want you the right way
I want you
But I want you to want me too
Want you to want me, baby
Just like I want you

I give you all the love
I want in return, sweet darlin'
But half a love is all I feel
It's too bad, it's too sad
You don't want me now
But I'm gonna change your mind
Someway, somehow, oh baby

(* repeat)

This one way love is just fantasy, oh sugar
To share is precious, pure and fair
Don't play with something you should cherish for life, oh baby
Don't you wanna care
Aint it lonely out there

(* repeat)
(Ad lib)
(* repeat and fade)

And it gets better by the day!!

Aw and what a joyous feeling it is to not be needed or wanted, that’s what everyone strives for I’m sure….well hope all has a safe and happy Saturday night…

God bless

Gem ;)

Over the river and through the hills

Finally its Friday, this has been a really long week. Yesterday afternoon we got the pleasure of going over the river and through the hills to play ball. I didn’t know where I was going so I had to follow the bus in. let me tell you, it was an adventure. We was on logging roads, dirt roads most of the way. Its beautiful country up in there however, but took freakin forever to get there. I think its about 30 or 35 miles to the little school we went to, but it took us just over an hour to get there. A great deal of the trip, I had to drive it in 3rd gear, but anyway we finally made it and we set through 4 ballgames. The elementary almost always plays the same schools as the junior high so we can make one trip do it. The games was good and I got to talk to an old friend that I went to school with. She is actually the coaches wife but we just don’t get to talk much so it was nice to get a chance to visit with her. Well the junior high boys was the only ones that won and they played a pretty good game. In my rounds of walking and talking, I learned that I was not the only one that couldn’t find my way back down out of the hills. If it wasn’t for all the roads that Y off up in there it wouldn’t be to bad, but if we had got lost, we would have been up there all night. So a group of us parents got together and found us a leader..lol..a few people actually know how to get around up there and anyway we followed one another back out and I finally made it home about 10 last night. So long night but its always well worth it. Well I hope everyone has a good weekend, stay safe.


Miracles happen
To those who
Believe in angels.

God bless

Gem ;)

What is my major malfunction

Joy joy to one and all. Hope everyone had a good day. As the holidays seem to be easing up on us, work is becoming more and more stressful with each passing day. Anyone that has never worked in the retail business during the holiday season really cant appreciate life as we know it..lol.. But it will all be over soon and we can breath again, its just really sad how society has made everything so commercialized and the true meaning of each holiday has fallen through the cracks. I have worked in the retail business for almost 14 yrs now and I shutter at the thought of thanksgiving and Christmas anymore. But as the past holidays have came and went, so will this one, but like last year, will spend it alone again. I have my family, they are wonderful, don’t get me wrong but its just not the same when you don’t have a partner to spend the holidays with.

Life has moments that really make you wonder what the hell. Such moments seem to happen to me pretty regularly anymore. I feel like I make a step forward and then get knocked back on my ass and each time it gets easier and easier to say the hell with it all. I guess that’s the purpose of it to begin with. What don’t kill us will make us stronger. One day me and my son will have the respect that we have earned and deserve.


Thought of the day:


Dreams color your
Soul with rainbow’s
Of hope.

God bless

Gem ;)

Hell of a game/Restriction

Good evening, hope everyone has had a good day. I can't complain about mine, not that it would do any good if I did but nothing to complain about in my neck of the woods. Last night the boys had a ballgame, it was the most unreal thing I have ever saw in my life. I knew it was going to be a good game, the two little schools are very well matched and a lot of talent on the court in general. Well it was a very close game all 4 quarters and at the last few seconds we made the tying basket and sent it into overtime. It was totally deafening in the gym and the overtime clocked along like the whole game had, neck and neck. well one more time at the final couple seconds of the game, we scored and tied it up again. Folks before the night was over, those boys ended up going into overtime 4 times and ever time it was right at the buzzer. A person would have thought it was the high school championship play off and it was nothing but a simple junior high basketball game. Well the misery had to finally come to an end and when it did the scored ended up being 50 to 54 in favor of the guest team. I always love watching the kids play but last night I almost lost my voice cheering so much. Last night I got my 2 dollars worth of entertainment, it was incredible, not sure what I’m going to do when my boy either looses interest in sports or graduates..lol.. Well nothing else to exciting is going on in my life, but guess that’s not a big shocker to any of my one or two regular visitors..lol.. I never claimed to be miss excitement but its ok with me, makes life a little more simple.

I do have a little something that I would like to share with you all.

Restriction (ri-strik-shun)- 1: a principle that limits the extent of something.2: an act of limiting or restricting (as by regulation)3: the act of keeping something within specified bounds (by force if necessary)

What an interesting word. One that I’m sure everyone is familiar with but not sure if everyone understands its true meaning. We are all restricted in our lives daily but when it really hits home is when it’s a restriction from something that means a great deal to you.
I have managed to get myself restricted from a few things it seems here in the past few days, now I’ve got to figure out how I’m going to get out of it. Anyway just thought I would share a little definition of a basic word that has impacted my life just a little. All is good though, it will work out in the end…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any offence, I love you regardless :x

Guess I’ll get this wrapped up for the night and close it with the thought of the day:

Wherever you go
Whatever you do….
May the angels
Watch over you.



Praise the Lord in all things….
For He has blessed our lives
With friendship!

Gem ;)

I'm back

Good morning, I have to keep this short and sweet but promise to get back soon. Just wanted to let everyone know that I’m doing just fine, I have been a little busy and have just been slacking on doing my post. Maybe this evening I will have a chance to talk a little and share a thing or two that I have written. Until then I hope everyone is doing well and has a safe and wonderful day..

Thought of the day:

Carve quiet spaces in your life
And in the silence you will hear
The angels.

To my best friend and dearest beloved
I give to you every ounce of my love.
Weather it be out of insecurity or fear
You are the only one I want to hold near.
In your embrace I feel the comfort
In your kiss I feel your passion
In your eyes I see the love and know it could
Only have been sent from the angels above.


Your words explain it the best
some things find a crack...a fissure...and work their way in
until it seems as if they have always been there
like a cancer that spreads until it infects your very soul.
You done this long ago and you have ran rampant through my
Entire being. I know you love me too, I feel it in your touch.
Let down your guard and open your heart for my love will never part.
For ever and always
Your princess



May God bless you all

Gem ;)